Disaster or Disastrously Amusing?

Well, 2012 arrives in theaters this weekend and I'm sure that while I write this there is a line at the multiplex for the next showtime. However, I am not in the category of those eager to have 2 hours and half of their life sucked away by an over the top disaster film, but I will anyway eventually. It is just hard to resist the temptation of chessy disaster films; they provide us with a comfortable way to enjoy our morbid curiosity. It doesn't matter that 2012 probably has a minimal plot and superficial characters; as an audience, we just want to sit there and have stuff blow up and look cool, while doing so. Who said a disaster can't be fun? Here is my list of my top five "chesse-tastic" disaster films, sure to make you "ohh" and "ahh," while laughing your butt off at the pure stupidity of Hollywood logic.

1. Twister (1996) Now why would I put this at the top of the list? Two reasons, One: flying cow, two: surviving a twister via a belt. I think those two reasons are enough to justify this film as a semi-comedy. This 1996 blockbuster was my first real disaster experience in theaters and even as a kid I was confused about the logic of it all. I didn't know it was so easy to chase, out run and survive a twister, as long as you have a truck and a trusty belt ready to be strapped to a pipe. Ah, Twister, how many times have you saved my life during my visits to tornado alley, there are too many to count.

2. Volcano (1997) So, it appears that according to this film, concrete barriers can hold back lava and detonated charges can stop a volcanic fault line. Also, Tommy Lee Jones and Anne Hache make one heck of a volcano fighting team. Now of course, there are plenty moments of great fiery performances to go around in this epic fight against molten rock. Oh yes, the character who sacrifices himself, the people who learn to tolerate each other in the face of adversity and of course the slow motion running scene are all there.

3. Armageddon (1998) Micheal Bay, you have given us so many giant explosive fire balls of sub-par excellence; it was only natural that you take it to the next level: explosions in SPACE. Hence, why NASA, helmed by Billy Bob Thorten (this already brings up the believability factor of the film), decides to send an oil-drilling team on a space mission to blow an asteroid in two pieces before it reaches Earth. That almost sounds like it might work, but not before Bruce Willis must sacrifice himself in one of the most moving scenes I have ever witnessed. The only thing to move me more than that scene was the amazing song "Don't want to miss a Thing" by Aerosmith, which is on the soundtrack. It left me in utter shambles. Why must Bruce Willis die, while we all live? A deep question that we all must ask ourselves.

4. Dante's Peak (1997) Another volcano type movie, only this time it is Pierce Brosnan and Linda Hamilton who must battle an exploding mountain of death. OK, this film gets some "cool" points because an entire town gets blown up by a giant pryroclastic cloud and a grandma gets burned by an acid lake. I dare you to find any other film that can deliver you both a better exploding town sequence and elderly death scene than this one. Of course, everything the kids do is mind numbingly stupid and once the town blows up, who cares what happens, the good part is over. We all know it's just going to be a happy ending where only minor characters die in slightly heroically humiliating ways.

5. Deep Impact (1998) A comet is heading towards Earth, the president of the U.S. is Morgan Freeman and Elijah Wood will do anything to save Leele Sobieski, I would too. There are other events that transpire as well, but I don't quite remember them all to clearly. All I can recall is New York and other cities being wiped out by tidal waves. Poor Morgan Freeman, his first time as president and he lets a piece of a comet hit Earth.

Honorable mentions:
The Day After Tomorrow (2004) How do you survive the next ice age? You run away from it as fast as you can.

Independence Day (1996) These aliens must have crappy computer programmers because their security system has as many holes as Windows Vista.

The Core (2003) The core has stopped spinning and the Earth will destroy itself. How will you stop this from happening? By using implausible junk science of course.